How Do We Cope With This?
I'll be honest. I should have written three articles this week but my mind's a total mess. I'm so pre-occupied by the relegation nightmare that i can't even talk about it properly. So i'm afraid this is going to be nothing but a ramble. I have no agenda with this piece. I'm just terrified about Sunday. Sleep is frequently interrupted with nightmares. I keep waking up having had a nightmare that we've just been beaten by Weymouth (my old home town). Dave Beasant is in goal on crutches with an eye patch and Dowie is up front wearing an Armani suit and ballet shoes. Portsmouth fans with horns are in the crowd, jeering us, waving inverted crosses and laughing maniacally. My mind is a sick place to be right now. Of course, waking from this and realising it's just a dream is no consolation. The reality is in fact FAR worse. I honestly believe if we don't win on Sunday the club is doomed. I don't mean doomed in the sense of having to play League One football. I mean it in it's truest possible sense. Administration will be all but guaranteed, and coupled with what's going on in the boardroom, ie the egos that have been dragging this club through the mire for too long already, our demise is all but certain. I'm so depressed about it I could cry. But i'm saving my tears for Sunday. Make no mistake, tears will be shed at St. Mary's no matter what happens. Because IF we do survive I know that with most fans there will be a short euphoric feeling of relief. But that will very very quickly become anger. Because once the relief has passed fans will start to think rationally again (its hard to think straight when you're in a total panic). And we will think WHY THE BLOODY HELL ARE WE IN THIS SITUATION?!!!! And, as normal people do, we will look for someone to blame. The finger has been pointed in so many directions it's beyond belief. Fans criticising other fans for not singing loud enough! That one always winds me up. Lack of direction/ambition/money/intelligence/passion from the board. Stupid rhetoric from the saints trust. A manager that should have been fired long before he got the Scotland job. Letting Dodd and Gorman stumble along for too long. Lazy passionless players that never give 100% (not all of them of course).
The only thing that links these things is that its all to do with Southampton Football Club. What i mean is, we've not been victim to any hard luck stories like a shocking injury list, points deductions or anything like that. Yes we are strapped for cash, but who isn't in this division? The fact is, no matter what's going on here we DO have the players, fans and stadium to at least compete in this division. And the only conclusion i can draw, although with no real substance I confess, is that we're ALL to blame. The board definately, but us fans too. We've become fractured and disunited as much as the board have. As for the players, well they've let it get to them too. Ideally you'd like to think they're paid enough to act to a professional standard even if they do have concerns but sadly under Burley they didn't. And by the time Pearson got into them it was too late. Maybe. Pearson is our only hope. If we survive it's because he's dragged us safe by the scruff of the neck. And if we don't he's the only one at St. Mary's on Sunday that doesn't need to feel any guilt, although being a conscientious, honourable and ambitious man i'm sure he'l feel immense pain too.
If we survive i'l be delighted. But i'l also fee a little bit like we've got away with murder. Sorry if this article hasn't made a whole lot of sense. Think i'l go for a lie down. Sweet dreams.