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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Cristiano Ronaldo in shock Saint's move!

That`s right people, Vital Southampton through our network of stadium tea ladies can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that we are on the verge of signing Cristiano Ronaldo from Real Madrid, and he is believed to be 'excited` at the prospect of playing alongside world class players like Anthony Pulis and Paul Wotton.

What`s so ludicrous about that? Considering every other name has been put into the transfer hat we might as well move up to the next level of pointlessness. Were talking about none other than the great rumour mill that has swept through our club!

The Daily echo were one of the first people to start the rumour mill with a page asking us to email them with any transfer rumours we may have heard, a good idea to spread the possible transfer rumours coming in, but also a license to be completely barking?

According to the Daily Echo there are around 25 players who we COULD be signing though don`t get excited too much, half these rumours put around are of players who we 'want` at the club rather than who`s actually joining, lets not forget that they are all put in by fans.

Half of which either have a network of tea ladies on reconnaissance, or go to the pub with Markus Liebherr for a pint and some Toblerone. Nicolas being normally too busy playing the match predictor and re-enacting scenes from the Godfather of course.

And what`s to stop fans from down the M27 starting a rumour that Dean Windass or Jermaine Wright have been seen outside SMS? (a scary thought I know!) Contrary to popular belief there are people in Portsmouth who have internet and know how to use it!.

With that in mind just remember that rumours are rumours and nothing else, and don`t be too disappointed when the network of tea ladies get Ibrahimovic mixed up with Jose Fonte, or that the guy who everyone thought was Markus Liebherr down the local is indeed some very confused German tourist.

And if you just so happen to hear that we are making a multi million pound move for Augustin Delgado, its origins are probably closer to the other side of Hampshire. I hope so anyway!

Lets not forget that we don`t need Rooney, we have Lambert, we don`t need Terry, we have Fonte who unlike Terry doesn`t sleep with his team mates wife (or so we hope), and who needs Fabregas when we have Pulis!




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The Journalist

Writer: Red Army Comrade Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday July 16 2010

Time: 1:09PM

Your Comments

I can't write for laughing you mealy mouthed git. :-)) Is it possible that we can ask for some warning next time??? Does this mean messi has turned us down cos he is better I think.
sfc4ghg
Hehe, couldn't help but do something completely satirical!
Red army comrade
Satire is a really useful weapon when posting. At times it can open up a real can of worms
SFC Forever
You just never know.....lol
herringthorpe
I remember when the Echo said that we signed Pele :D
Red army comrade
So do I and we did. Trouble is he played like the old one sometimes as he is now not how he used to be.
sfc4ghg
As it looks unlikely now that we will get him after all does that mean we will have to keep Pulis and Wotton for another season?
VSrednwhite
No one has seen Pulis play, so he might be a really good player (we can always hope can't we?)
Red army comrade
He was made captain in one of the kids games but had to come off injured again.
VSrednwhite
Isn't he 25/26 now though? it says on his Wiki (not reliable I know) that he was born in 1984... if he's only just captaining the 'kids' now, that's quite worrying for his future.
Red army comrade
I think he is 26 on the 21st july. Did you know that he played once as a sub for Pompey in the League up in season 04/0
VS sparkle
I didn't know that, its quite odd that he's been around so long but not actually stepped up.
Red army comrade
Portsmouth 1 app Torquay,Plymouth,Stoke - with daddy,Grimsby,Stoke, Bristol R are the teams he has played for since he started 6 years ago. 12 strats and 13 subs. No goals 2 yellow cards. That does not make possitive reading.
SFC Forever
12 starts and 13 sub appearances in what, 10 years of playing?
Red army comrade
Imoressive stats is not exactly where my thoughts are going right now. Living off of my dad's name is closer.
SFC Forever
 

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